La Mulana is a 2D Dark Souls, and it’s now available on Desura

Well I’ve just searched the PC Gamer archives for any mention of La Mulana, and found diddly squat, so the news that it’s been added to Desura seems like a good a time as any to talk about this forgotten indie gem. Based on the freeware game from a million years ago, La Mulana is an exploratory platformer set in and around an ancient temple. The world design and difficulty remind of Dark Souls, while whip-cracking hero Lemeza’s range of gadgets recall Metroid or Zelda. However, the game has a character and atmosphere all of its own.
This gorgeous remake adds a new art style, and tinkers about with the mechanics just a little bit so that it’s not quite as punishing at the start. As someone who bounced off the original due to its sheer difficulty wall, I’d say that’s a very good thing. If you’ve finally conquered Dark Souls, or you’re jonesing for a new Metroidvania to sink your teeth into, it’s worth giving La Mulana a go. The game originally launched back in July along with the new digital distribution site Playism, and it’s also lurking in the bowels of Steam Greenlight, if you’re looking to give your thumb something to do. There’s a rather lovely ‘History of La Mulana’ trailer below.

Rift: Storm Legion beta key giveaway

Rift’s Storm Legion expansion pack will add two vast new continents that triple the size of the game world. It includes seven new dungeons, three raids, a new chronicle, new souls to equip and another ten levels to earn. Basically, it’s so big you’ll need a bit of a head start to see it all. We have 500 keys to the this weekend’s beta event sitting right here. Fancy one? Waltz this way to find out how to apply.
All you have to do is click on the following link and fill in the form. The first 500 entries will receive a beta key via email when the competition closes on Friday.
Let me into the Rift: Storm Legion beta!
The beta is set to run from Friday through to nexy Wednesday. You can find out more about Storm Legion’s quests, zones and monsters in our hands-on, or check out the official Rift site for more details. Storm Legion will give players a bit of personal space in which to construct houses. Take a look at a variety of abodes in the latest trailer:

Black Ops 2 launch trailer rocks to squirrel-suits, spiderbots and splodes

Launch trailers usually go up at a game’s launch. Not so in the case of Black Ops 2, which has boldly put this video out a whole month early. Unless this isn’t a trailer to celebrate the launch of the game but a trailer for the launch event itself, in which case the arrival of Black Ops 2 on shelves will herald no small amount of flaming, screaming death, destruction, gunfire, horses and humourless-looking men throwing themselves off cliffs and out of planes. Most companies settle for free drinks and a tombola, but not Activision.
Well, gosh. The promise of more tactical play in the Strikeforce missions certainly doesn’t take a back-seat to simple bombastic destruction. But will the focus on rogue robots remove some of the guilty visceral thrill of gunning down hordes of squishy, jam-filled men?

Star Citizen system requirements, modding and potential microstransactions detailed

Star Citizen, the new space game from Wing Commander-creator Chris Roberts, has released a new FAQ which reveals the estimated system specs for the game, clarifies how modding will work – it is, in fact, highly encouraged – and what sort of things may be purchasable via microtransaction. Many of the other questions within the FAQ have already been covered in our substantial Star Citizen preview of the game, but it’s good to hear Chris Roberts clarify the fine print on a few points.
The game is two years away, and is underpinned by CryEngine 3, so needless to say the minimum system requirements are far from puny, with only cutting edge tech being able to make the game soar:
Minimum:
Dual core CPU
GTX 460
4GB of system memory
Recommended:
i7 2500, 2600, 2700
GTX 670 or better
When it comes to mods, the FAQ stresses how open to modding the game will be:
“Players will be given full control of their game! When operating private servers, players will be able and encouraged to mod the game. It doesn’t stop there, though: we hope to institute a ‘mod approval’ process that will allow the best of the best player created ships and other additions to be integrated into the central persistent world as well.”
The FAQ also clarifies payment: a single, one-off purchase of the initial game will suffice. There will be no monthly fee. “Some in-game items may be available as microtransactions,” the FAQ goes on to say, “but we will NEVER sell anything that can’t be acquired through honest (and fun!) gameplay.”
Reassuring. So reassuring in fact, that players are throwing money at the project in huge numbers. In the last five days Star Citizen has scooped up an additional $500,000 in funding, taking it half way to its target of $2,000,000 with 23 days left to go. 9,961 prospective pilots have pledged at the time of writing.
Head over to the Roberts Space Industries website for more details, or take a look at our Star Citizen screenshot gallery to examine the imagination fuelling the project.

Legendary developer Mike Singleton dies at 61

Sad news today, folks. Mike Singleton, one of the pioneers of game development, died last Wednesday at the age of 61. He was responsible for many classics of the 8-bit and 16-bit era, including the likes of Shadowfax, Dark Sceptre (pictured above), Doomdark’s Revenge, Carrier Command and the Midwinter Games. More recently he was involved in Gauntlet: Seven Sorrows and GRID.
You should head over to Mike Singleton’s Wikipedia entry to see the full list of his achievements during the three decades in which he worked in the game industry. A former English teacher, Singleton retired from the Merseyside Education Authority to pursue a life in games way back in 1982, and was one of the few big name developers from the Spectrum era to remain at the industry’s coal-face post-millennium. Singleton’s long career saw him pass between a huge number of revered studios, from The Collective Inc. to Melbourne House, Simon & Schuster Interactive, Mirage, Microprose and Codemasters. His games, meanwhile, have influenced the imaginations of many other devs and gamers.
After a year long struggle with cancer, which saw the removal of his jaw, he died of natural causes in Switzerland last week.

Minecraft Slender mod brings terror to Minecraft

Slender’s Forest is a Minecraft map inspired by Slender: The Eight Pages. Minecraft’s Endermen are an affectionate nod to the skinny monster birthed on the Something Awful forums, this is a perfect fit. That doesn’t mean that Slender’s Forest is a parody, or any less scary for Minecraft’s boxy setting. You must pick your way through a dark forest at a slow pace, picking up pages without catching the eye of the monster and trying not to fall off your chair when you do.
The mod slows down your walk speed to draw out the tension, but offers a few difficulty options if it all becomes too much. You can play the map in daytime mode, which robs the map of some of its mystery, but you still get the creepy crunching noises as the Enderman flits around and tries to catch you out. You can download the map now from the Minecraft forums. Thanks to Wordpuncher for the heads up.
If you can’t get enough of the Slender sensation, keep an eye on Slender: The Arrival, a prettier follow up to The Eight Pages. You may also be interested in the Slender Source mod that’s in development. If you just want to find out how easily scared we are, check out our Slender Now Playing.

PlanetSide 2 changes revealed: Auraxium axed, three-continent launch confirmed

Like war’s penchant for fluidity, PlanetSide 2′s numerous touch-ups to its membership benefits and its eternal struggle with gameplay balances make for some interesting developer forum posts. In a new report from the front, Sony Online Entertainment President John Smedley revealed a few changes in the scorch-marked pipeline, including the removal of the Auraxium currency and the announcement of a specific release date during the upcoming SOE Live keynote on Thursday.
“After listening to feedback on the forums, this will mean the end of Auraxium as a resource,” Smedley wrote. “Keep in mind when we do this (with this next patch), we will be dramatically increasing the speed at which you gain certifications. Something like 4X. Again, folks, we play the game on non-admin accounts. We see the data. We see the issues. We’re fixing them.”
Smedley also said “large plans” are in store for ensuring the availability of all three continents — Indar, Esamir, and Amerish — right at launch. “Also, keep in mind this will involve stuff like base benefits and what happens when people ‘lock down’ continents,” he hinted. We presume this involves enough party hats for everyone back at base.
Check out the rest of Smedley’s post for more info, including future optimizations of PlanetSide 2′s CPU-intensive load and the formation of a new mini-tutorial for beginners.

League of Legends jungling “stagnant” says Riot Games, outlines changes for Season 3

A role commonly found in most League of Legends teams is the stalwart jungler, a hero bravely venturing into the underbrush that borders lanes in pursuit of sacks of gold masquerading as hostile creatures. In comparison to normal lane-play, jungling can be somewhat lackluster and inefficient, as nerfed creature camps and gold per 10 items diminish challenge and increase the pressure on lanes. Yesterday, Assistant Game Designer “Statikk” said current jungling tactics seem “stagnant” and that changes are on Riot’s scope for Season 3 tournament play and beyond.
“The current dominant jungle strategy is fairly stagnant, and the overall current jungle playstyle in many cases severely limits potential strategy and choices in other lanes/roles as well,” he wrote. “One large problem is that efficient farming of the jungle has very little payoff compared to constantly applying lane pressure by camping/ganking. Overall, junglers severely lack in gold unless they successfully gank and snowball the game from the get-go and/or opt for a gold per 10 strategy.”
Season 2 of League of Legends’ $2 million world tournament wrapped up earlier this week with a victory by Taiwan’s Taipei Assassins after Riot issued a $30,000 fine to team Azubu Frost for unsportsmanlike peeking at the spectator screen.
“The approach we’re currently taking is to significantly increase the rewards of jungle camps over time (junglers already have a huge impact on the early game),” Statikk continued. “To go along with this, though, we are buffing jungle camps back up to actually be more threatening while simultaneously offering new and improved item paths for players to specialize in the jungle. Overall, we want junglers to be rewarded for building combat stats rather than always being forced to build gold generation items.”

Mark of the Ninja now available on Steam

Mark of the Ninja, a 2D stealth platformer and critical darling on XBLA, appeared on Steam today. I only wish the date hadn’t been previously announced, so I could call it “Marketing of the Ninja.” Oh well — it’s selling for $14.99/£11.99, and while our review is forthcoming, the Xbox 360 version has already been bombarded by love shurikens from the press. They sting, but in a good way.
Edge called it “slick and striking,” Destructoid called it “the benchmark by which all stealth games are now measured,” and Wired praised it for “brilliant level and puzzle design.” So, people really like it.
Have a look at last month’s launch trailer below:

BioShock Infinite loses two additional key staffers

Irrational Games lost two more BioShock Infinite team members last week as the latest of a series of shuffles and departures from the untypically quiet developer. Superannuation spotted the LinkedIn profiles of former Artificial Intelligence Lead Don Norbury and Combat Design Director Clint Bundrick reflecting the change.
Both Norbury and Bundrick took positions at Microsoft as Senior Software Design Engineer and Senior Designer, respectively. Irrational recently experienced the parting of Product Development Director Tim Gerritsen and Art Director Nate Wells from the company. Systems Designers Ken Strickland and Tyann Sylvester, Design Director Jeff McGann, and Senior Level Designer Steve Gayno also left Irrational earlier this year.
BioShock Infinite still maintains a February 2013 release schedule, with a Facebook countdown timer promising a new trailer reveal this weekend.

Far Cry 3 mod makes Minecraft even more awesome

In a crossover that’s almost as weirdly amazing as Archie meeting The Punisher, Ubisoft has announced the creation of a map and texture pack for Minecraft inspired by Far Cry 3. Modded by Michael Lambert (Sacr3, creator of Newcraft City), a well-known Minecraft enthusiast, with artists Axel Janssen and Yohann Delcourt responsible for the textures, the add-on pack will be released for free via the official Far Cry website on October 26.

Ubisoft claims the pack will let you explore and survive the Minecraft experience through the warped lens of Far Cry 3, with modifications to all aspects of the original game, including environments, weapons, and tools. It will feature key Far Cry 3 locations and characters, including Vaas, Jason, and Citra, all completely redesigned in Minecraft style. The new map will also feature over 50 Easter Eggs hidden throughout the islands. And, of course, Far Cry 3 itself will be released on December 4.

Now that the indie/retail crossover dam has been gnawed through, what other games would you like to see Minecraft-ized?

Piranha “would love” single-player for MechWarrior Online

“I’d love to see a big, new ten-hour single-player campaign for MechWarrior,” Piranha Games co-founder Russ Bullock said during GDC Online. He’s assuredly not alone on that wishful thought — the MechWarrior franchise’s bipedal chunks of armageddon typically came with colony and clan warfare. But speaking to Rock, Paper, Shotgun, Bullock cited the industry’s “really tough” expectations for including worthwhile single-player as the primary reason for keeping the action multiplayer for now.

“I think we’d all love it,” he said. “I just think that it’s really tough. The industry has made that tough. You know, what people expect today for a single-player game [is much more complicated than previous MechWarriors]. I’ve almost at times lost ties with some of my friends that the current state of the industry is almost the death of the single-player game. Now, it feels like unless it’s the latest Call of Duty, Halo, or Assassin’s Creed — each publisher may have one brand they put that kind of money into to make that single-player experience — [it's a huge risk]. I mean, it costs tens of millions of dollars to make a good single-player campaign now.”

Barring a full campaign addition, possible PVE encounters on a smaller scale was also a feasible solution suggested by Bullock. “That’s a half-way step of giving players the opportunity to play against AI with friends,” he said. “And after that, you know, we’ll see where things take us.”

MechWarrior Online’s planned open beta was stalled due to stability issues. Still, the powerful pounders we saw looked mightily pleasing.

Steam browser security loophole spotted

A report from hardware and software security firm Revuln has been posted online, highlighting a security flaw that could allow attackers to target PCs using Steam browser launch commands. The steam:// URL is a quick way to install and launch games from a browser. Revuln point out that Safari can launch steam:// commands silently without the user knowing, providing a window of opportunity for attackers.

The report highlights ways in which local processes that exist on our PCs as part of game installations could be misused to cause mischief. Revuln highlight different attack strategies using Source and Unreal engine games. The good news is that major browsers like Internet Explorer, Firefox and Chrome, give warning before programs are launched. Valve will surely be right on this, if they haven’t found a fix already. Until then it might be wise to avoid Safari and, as always, say no to any unexpected program launches.

PC Gamer UK December issue: The Future of Minecraft

The winter nights have cast their frosty pall across the land. What’s that shadowy shape lurching through the gloom? With its dark square eyes! With its grimacing maw! But, don’t fear the Creeper. This green and grisly ghoul stars on the wallet for our spectacular December issue, which is packed with insider knowledge on Mojang’s blockbuster indie hit Minecraft – its past, its future, and all the other projects simmering behind the scenes at the House of Notch.

One of which is the clever card-battler Scrolls – and we’re giving that away free with the mag! And not only that: we’ll be giving away access to the mech-wrecking Hawken beta, too. Blimey.

Issue 246 is on shelves this Friday and will be available digitally soon. There’s also always the option to subscribe and get each issue delivered to your door, earlier and for less money! Sweet. Hit the jump to see the exclusive subs cover, and discover what other treats await: news, previews, reviews, retrospectives, tech tests and more!

This month we…

get in-depth and hands-on with Hitman: Absolution, Assassin’s Creed III, Blade and Soul, Far Cry 3 and more
take a long look back at Dota 1′s glorious ascendancy
ask indie experts for their guide to game making
drop scores on Dishonored, Fifa, Torchlight, FTL, War of the Roses, XCOM, 30 Flights of Loving and more
test the best motherboards available
learn the levers of Source Filmmaker
revisit Ultima Underworld
and loads more!
That’s more than enough to keep your cockles cosy until our next issue goes on sale on 15 November. Enjoy!

Dishonored: No Trace, prologue: A Conspiracy of Doors

Yesterday we asked you which of my three daft approaches to Dishonored you wanted to see blown out into a full video diary series. Each take on the game had its supporters, but the clear winner in both the comments thread and the Facebook poll was ‘oh dear, what a terrible accident’.

The idea is to complete every mission in the game without leaving a trace of Corvo’s involvement – hence the name of this series. That doesn’t mean that there can’t be evidence, but that evidence needs to point to other people: essentially, there needs to be an explanation for events that’s simpler and more believable than “a teleporting, man-possessing, rat-summoning magic ninja did it.”

In the game’s linear tutorial prison break sequence, that’s easier said than done. It’s a part of the game with very little freedom – but I wanted to take it on anyway, and see if there’s a way of explosively escaping from jail while still making it look like someone else’s fault. Was I successful? Decide for yourself by watching the video below. Needless to say, expect to have the game’s opening somewhat spoiled.

New episodes of No Trace are planned for Fridays and Tuesdays until I finish the game. Let us know what you think in the comments, and subscribe to our YouTube channel to have future installments slipped discretely into your internets.

Earlier in the week we recorded a podcast special where we discuss all of Dishonored – including major plot points – in some detail. Check it out here

Diablo 3 update 1.05 lands tomorrow, Infernal Machine and Monster Power mode detailed

Patch 1.05 will hit Diablo 3 tomorrow at 3AM PDT / 2AM BST according to an official post on Blizzard’s forums. There will be an estimated ten hours of downtime while the patch is deployed, but once it’s live we’ll get access to the scalable Monster Power difficulty system, the high level Infernal Machine quest and dozens of class and item changes that Blizzard have been teasing for the past few months.

A new post on the Diablo 3 site drops details on the Infernal Machine quest that top level players can pursue to gain a unique Hellfire Ring. You’ll find one of four new keywarden bosses patrolling each act. If you kill them with five Nephalem stacks on Inferno difficulty there’s a chance they’ll drop special keys and blacksmithing plans for the Infernal machine.

Once you have all the keys and the machine, you can open a portal that will randomly grant access to one of three chambers. Each is protected by a pair of bosses you’ll recognise from the main campaign. Double teams include the Skeleton King and Magda, Ghom and Rakanoth and the Siege Breaker and Zoltan Kulle.

The infernal version of each boss will be more powerful than their campaign incarnation, and they’ll have new moves to kill you with. Blizzard estimate that each boss is about as tough as Inferno Diablo.

Beating a boss pair will drop a ton of gold and loot but destroy the infernal machine. If you want a shot at a new boss pair, you’ll have to craft the thing all over again. To get the Hellfire Ring, you have to beat every boss pair on five Nephalem stacks and hope that they drop organ pieces that your Jeweller can use to craft the ring.

The ring’s properties are randomised, but you’re guaranteed a +170-200 boost to strength, intelligence, dexterity or vitality (your choice) and a +35% experience boost designed to give future alts a quick leg up the levelling ranks.

That’s not a bad item, but it sounds like it’ll sure take a lot of work to get it.

The new monster power system improves drop rates, which will help Infernal Machine questers and anyone who fancies a challenge. It’s detailed in full in this recent Blizzard blog post. Essentially, you can apply one of ten monster power boost levels to creatures in your playthrough, increasing their health and damage output, but nudging up rewards as well.

Check out our interview with Jay Wilson and Wyatt Cheng for the thinking behind tomorrow’s monster patch.

Dudebro II: flex your muscles with this manly indie shooter

Years after the 80s returned with a vengeance to infect fashion and music trends with its Thundercats T-shirts and impossibly icy beats, the world of indie gaming appears to have fallen too. If Hotline Miami is Drive by way of an 80s video nasty, then Dudebro II – full, sweary title after the break – is Contra by way of Rambo, or one of the most testosterony platform-shooters we’ve seen.

Developed by members of NeoGAF, Dudebro™ – My Shit Is Fucked Up So
I Got to Shoot/Slice You II: It’s Straight-Up Dawg Time revolves around the titular John Dudebro and his sidekick Habemus Chicken (not a real chicken), as they attempt to track down an arms dealer of “unspecified ethnicity”. As you can see, the game’s partly a parody of modern shooters, and partly a celebration, but it seems to be fairly substantial in its own right.

While the game’s been in development since 2011, this is the first time we’ve seen any gameplay footage – and as the following video makes clear, it appears to have been worth the wait. Dudebro II doesn’t yet have a release date, but it does have a price – or rather, it doesn’t, as Grimoire Assembly Forge have taken the manly decision to release it for free

Skyrim “Dragonborn” DLC, Morrowind quest markers and dragon riding spotted in patch files

Skyrim fans have been data-mining patch 1.8 for hints at future updates and posted some very interesting tidbits on the Bethesda forums. The files contains quest markers for the island of Solstheim, the setting for the Bloodmoon Morrowind expansion pack. Bloodmoon locations like Castle Karstaag and Raven arelisted alongside new animation entries that hint at mounted dragons.

Animations listed include entries like “DragonMountedDualStaff,” which suggests we might find ourselves fighting warriors dual-wielding magical staffs from dragonback. There’s also mention of new weapon crafting recipes for Bonemold, Chitin, Nordic and Stalhrim armour. The data is linked to the name DRAGONBORN in the file structure, which Bethesda trademarked earlier this year.

This hasn’t been officially confirmed by Bethesda yet, but early details on the Skyrim Dawnguard DLC were obtained in the same way when fans discovered mention of crossbows and vampire lords tucked away inside an official patch. The Solstheim setting would be a sensible way to expand Skyrim given that it’s snowy, mountainous, and populated by Nords. Thanks to OXM for the heads up.

Guild Wars 2 dev laments human race bias: “people avoiding charr & asura are missing the strongest story stuff”

Of Guild Wars 2′s five playable races, humans are by far the most popular according to data that ArenaNet put out last month. The Norn take a distant second place and the Asura, Sylvari and Charr linger even further behind. Each race has their own distinct storyline and starting zone, so it’s unsurprising that the creators of Guild Wars 2′s races feel a bit disappointed that players are opting for traditional human toons.

“GW2 race popularity makes me sad,” says Arenanet writer Peter Fries on Twitter. “People avoiding charr & asura are missing the strongest story stuff in our game, IMO.”

I’ll jump at any chance to be a three foot tall Necromancer, so I was fated to play an Asura the moment they were revealed. For those jumping into the game fresh, it might seem more natural to jump in as a human and get to know the weirder races a bit before starting alts.

As Kotaku indicate, strong human bias isn’t unusual in games that offer a choice of races. The different ways that players construct and empathise with their in-game avatars is an interesting, though. Do you try to recreate your looks in-game? Are you creating a new character entirely? What are you thinking when you design a character?

Here’s the race stat graph. From left to right: Norn, Charr, Asura, Sylvari and Human.

Prey 2 not dead, just napping, says Human Head developer

The fate of sci-fi shooter sequel Prey 2 was thrown into doubt earlier this year, when reports of a disagreement between developer Human Head and publisher Bethesda emerged. Now, thanks to a tweet from designer Nathan Cheever, we have some further reassurance that the project has avoided the axe.

“Prey 1 = Indians in Space. Prey 2 = Cowboys in Space. (#Prey2). btw, P2 hasn’t been officially canceled, only in limbo,” twote he.

Well, that’s better news than it might have been. But it’s still a shame to see such a promising title halted in its tracks. I was lucky enough to see the game’s offworld bounty-hunting action at its unveiling early in 2011, and the vertical slice that Human Head had put together was an exhilarating mix of Mirror’s Edge-style parkour and frenetic gadget-enhanced gunplay in an open world that was parts Blade Runner and Mos Eisley.

However, publishers Bethesda presumably had a closer look behind the curtain, and weren’t quite so impressed, nixing the original 2012 release date while saying “that game development has not progressed satisfactorily this past year, and the game does not currently meet our quality standards.”

Hopefully, pub and dev will hug it out and get back to the business of making an awesome game soon.

The Witcher 2 is most pirated game at top torrent university Rutgers

In a dubious honor, BitTorrent news blog TorrentFreak has named Rutgers University as the top torrenting university in the US. And what’s the most torrented game at this fine institution? The Witcher 2.
Considering that in a previous interview with PC Gamer, a CD Projekt Red exec stated that the developer can track piracy of its products with 100% accuracy and has demanded money from thousands of alleged pirates in Germany, students at Rutgers who torrented The Witcher 2 may be lucky that CDP stopped hunting down pirates back in January. CDP has long held the opinion that DRM copy protection isn’t necessary for its games, with its CEO telling us last year that “None of [the] solutions really work, so why not abandon it altogether?”

Five lessons from the best League of Legends team in the world

The Taipei Assassins schooled Azubu Frost in the world championships on Saturday while more than a million people watched via the livestream and TV in Korea and China. They entered the tournament as a relative unknown, catching their opponents off guard and quickly proving they had the skills and flexibility to tackle every opponent sent their way. Their finals performance was a master class in how to win League of Legends that we can all learn something from.

1. Be aggressive early

I mentioned this a lot in my recap of the earlier matches, but the teams that did best in the tournament had one thing in common: they play aggressive. It’s a common philosophy in the Asian regions that’s starting to pick up steam in North America and Europe. TPA was one of the most aggressive teams throughout the entire tournament. They crushed Moscow Five, a team famous for their aggressive playstyle, by being even more aggressive and keeping constant pressure on them.
Of course, early aggression is a risky strategy—for players like you or me, it’s just as likely to give the other team an advantage when I make a stupid tower-dive and give them a free kill. TPA played aggressive, but were always smart about it—even when I thought they weren’t.

2. It’s never a bad time to gank

Such as the first game of the world finals, when TPA’s Olaf got first blood at three minutes and roamed like a demonic force of destruction, tower-diving in 1v2 situations to get kills. It was incredible to watch. At one point I even shouted out, “Oh no! Way too greedy!” when I thought for sure he’d finally bitten off more than he could chew. And then he promptly shoved those words in my face by sending champions sitting under their own tower to the graveyard like a honey badger.
The most impressive part wasn’t that TPA found the right times to gank their opponents—the best pros can find good windows of opportunity in any match. The real impressive part was that they found so darn many of them! They ganked so often yet always seemed to do it at the right time. This was my biggest take-away: there are more opportunities to take advantage of than I’m seeing right now.

Bonus tip: have a full orchestra and choir kick of every match with a recreation of the game's theme song.

3. Control the map by winning your lane

But of course, dominating the map and applying pressure on the lanes is what helps TPA create more of those opportunities than most teams see. Winning your lane gives you freedom. Freedom to do crazy stuff like throw all of your players into the jungle and gobble up stragglers that are unfortunate enough to run through.
At game three, the two teams were tied in the series (1-1) and TPA focused entirely on winning their lanes, avoiding any kills until nine minutes in. Instead, they moved champions around for more favorable match ups to make sure they got more minion kills and pushed towers. By ten minutes in, TPA was winning every single one of their lanes, pushing harder and getting more gold than their lane rivals across the board.
Winning your lanes doesn’t always secure victory, though. All it takes is one bad teamfight to undo all the progress you’ve made. But it does always demoralize and starve your opponents, tempting, and sometimes forcing, them to make desperate choices that you can exploit.
Sometimes you get lucky and it snowballs into perfect scenarios like the jungle mass-murders TPA milked at the 18 minute mark mentioned above. And then if you’re really lucky, that’ll demoralize your opponents enough to force a surrender, like AZF gave up only three minutes afterwards.

4. Don’t be aggressive early

Is that a typo? Lessons one and four can’t both be true, can they? Why am I lying to you? TPA’s biggest strength was that they didn’t always keep to their own strategy. You need to adapt your game plan to account for the strengths and weaknesses of each individual opponent you face. In games two and three of the finals, TPA took a quick lead but then switched into a super conservative mode. It was uncharacteristic of their typical hyper-aggressive style that they’d shown against other teams in the tournament.
They became content with simply winning their lanes and not forcing any big fights until their carries were fed enough that they would have guaranteed success. TPA learned from game one, which AZF made a huge comeback during to win, that their opponent’s biggest strength is their coordination in team fights. So instead of forcing those early, TPA stalled and focused on keeping AZF’s teammates separated to create smaller 2v2 and 3v2 fights simultaneously, with a little help from Teleport and Shen’s ultimate.
The tactic was masterfully executed, and seemingly developed on the fly between games. It was a new twist on their strategy: the multi-gank. They all initiated on their opponents at the same time on different locations around the map, ensuring that no one on AZF could come to the aid of their teammates. Their segregated killing spree gave them an ace and paved the road to victory.

Notice the giant tarps completely covering the teams, to ensure no one could sneak peeks at the minimap displays this time.

5. Recruit the best AP mid player in the world

Okay, this one’s probably a bit harder to make happen for your team overnight, but it has to be stated. Toyz, TPA’s AP mid, should be classified as a League of Legends demigod now. He’s just way too good—it’s not even fair.
Toyz had the highest gold-per-minute averages coupled with an insane KDA (ratio of kills and assists to deaths) of 13.3. He almost avoided death entirely during the whole second match of the finals. He outfarmed RapidStar in all four games in the finals, making one of the best AP mids in the world look completely ineffective in his lane.
There were a lot of great players in this tournament and on this team, but Toyz is just on a different level. He always wins his lane, which frees his jungler to assist his other teammates, and gives him the freedom to roam and help set up kills.
Oh, and if you do manage to get the best AP mid player in the world, get him or her to play Orianna if you can—that robot lady is out of control!

Do all this and you too can drink hot chocolate from a giant metal cup whenever you want.

Josh Augustine spends more time playing MMOs and MOBAs than most people spend sleeping. He’s written about them for PC Gamer as an intern, editor, and freelancer. He’s currently a game designer at Sony Online Entertainment and would love to talk with you on Twitter.

Borderlands 2 Captain Scarlett DLC screenshots show colorful pirate lair, poor ship parking

SpongeBob Squarepants’ term “nautical nonsense” probably best summarizes the scurvy Captain Scarlett and Her Pirate’s Booty DLC releasing for Borderlands 2 tomorrow. In the new hooligan’s haven of Oasis, players track down the titular Captain aboard a very Lucas-esque sand skiff and join her search for a magical Pandoran treasure. Expect an extra chunk of 10 to 15 hours of gameplay for $9.99/£6.20. Until tomorrow, check out the new snaps below.

MechWarrior Online open beta delayed

Last week, Piranha Games announced that the MechWarrior Online open beta test would start tomorrow. Then, later last week, Lead Designer Paul Inouye responded to community concerns over instability with the news that the open beta will be pushed back indefinitely.
“We have decided to push Open Beta back,” wrote Inouye. “We agree that the game’s current state of stability is not allowing us to get the latest experience across to new and veteran players alike. This is a short push back on the date and will depend on the stability and playability of the build.”
Inouye goes on to describe the issues the development team plans to address, including lag (according to Inouye, a patch has already gone out), matchmaking, and game balance.
So you’ll have to wait if you wanted in on the open beta, but Piranha’s considered (albeit quickly) decision to delay the test should ideally result in a better experience for both those currently playing and those waiting to get in. Or, at the very least, it’ll tease up more antici… pation.

Powerful pacifism: World of Warcraft player reaches level 90 with no kills

Pacifist players in World of Warcraft are a bit of a niche phenomenon in Blizzard’s behemoth, since they’re perfectly willing to turn the MMO’s sometimes tedious grind into an unholy abomination by managing to cap a character without ever killing a single creature. As an echo of Everbloom’s legacy, Warcraft player Irenic journeyed to level 90 without a single kill and just one quest completion under his or her belt.
Irenic’s stats provide the proof, showing a clean slate under creatures killed, 92 total damage dealt, and a single quest completed — the latter an unavoidable, auto-completing event after reaching level 86. In a forum post, Irenic explained the entirety of the run was a solo effort of massive grinding sessions for professions and archaeology digs, writing, “Since the entrance to Pandaria isn’t designed to be entered without questing & killing, I spent all my time doing archaeology and gathering in Kalimdor.”
And here I thought punching a dragon to death this morning was already impressive.

Crusader Kings Chronicle, part 5: 1112-1128

For glory! I’m currently in the middle of an epic undertaking: chronicling an alternate history of Europe in Paradox’s Crusader Kings II, with a new entry every Wednesday. I have just been crowned King Brian I of Ireland, and gathered the Lords of the Emerald Isle to offer them vassalage. Can I unify the realm and secure its independence? It’s a mystery only time can reveal. Onward!

The Lords of Ireland

At 64, I’ve met all the conditions and paid the costs associate with creating a kingdom. That doesn’t automatically make me sovereign over all of the lands that are considered Ireland, however. Six counties remain independent, and I’ll have to secure the vassalage of their liege lords by contract or conquest.
February 25, 1112: King Brian assembles the lords of Ireland before his coronation pavilion, and asks each who would accept him as their rightful liege to step forth and kneel. Earl Donnchad of Ossory and Duke Domnall of Leinster stand firm. Earl Áed of Tyrconnel, who fought alongside Brian in the Crusade for Jerusalem, is the first to kneel. His northern allies, Earl Indrechtach of Tyron and Earl Eógan of Oriel, follow suit. The last of the northern Ulster lords, Earl Indrechtach of Ulster, hesitates.
Three immediate acceptances is not bad. At this point, now that I had more support, I went back to those who initially refused to ask again.

Seeing three of the four Ulster lords kneel, Donnchad of Ossory reconsiders and steps forth to kneel. Indrechtach of Ulster and Domnall of Leinster depart as the sole dissenters, clutching to the independence of their realms.
Well, it looks like I’ll need to deal with two of the most powerful lords in the land before I am the undisputed king. Luckily, the armies of my four new vassals should make it an almost trivial task.
April 16, 1112: The Norwegian King Magnus II of England dies. His newborn son, Magnus III, becomes king. King Brian is dismayed to learn that Magnus managed to have a male heir just before his death, having hoped that his marriage to Princess Thorborg would produce the next King of England. He mentions some completely hypothetical solutions to this problem in a casual chat with his spymaster.

Murder a baby? I have no idea what would give you that crazy idea. Sure, Crusader Kings’ plot mechanic supports it. And some powerful nobles such as Duke Åle of Oxford and Duke Ealdræd of Somerset seem willing to see such an awful deed done. I will even give you that little Magnus’ own half-uncle, Prince Sigurd, and Sigurd’s mother, Ragnhild, seem warm to the idea. But I only know that from rumor. It’s not like I discussed it with them or anything.
Why are you looking at me like that?
April 17, 1112: King Brian names himself Duke of Ulster, adding to his existing titles as Duke of Munster, Connacht, and Meath. This effectively makes him not only king, but also direct liege of every duchy in Ireland but Leinster.
My vassals are starting to get annoyed with how many potentially giftable titles I hold, but I’m also getting a lot of prestige and, more importantly, more leverage over Earl Indrechtach of County Ulster, one of the two lords who have yet to proclaim me king.
Under the auspices of his new title, King Brian sends Earl Indrechtach of Ulster a gift of gold, and gives him one last chance to kneel before the throne and prevent war. The once reluctant lord accepts, leaving Domnall of Leinster alone in his defiance of the king.
July 18, 1112: Earl Indrechtach of Tyrone requests to be made Duke of Ulster. King Brian obliges, having only claimed the title to aid in bringing County Ulster to heel.

Smooth move, Oxford

May 1, 1113: The petty kingdom of Norfolk is conquered by the babe King Magnus III’s regent, making the Kingdoms of England and Lancaster the only two meaningful powers in England. Norman Kent continues to hold a small fiefdom in the southeast.
June 12, 1113: Just as England is growing more unified, the long-stable Scotland fractures at the death of King Malcolm the Cruel into the realms of Galloway, Atholl, Lothian, and Strathearn.
This can only be good for me. It makes Scotland a very real option for future conquests, which was never the case before.
July 15, 1113: Gormlaith, King Brian’s mistress and mother of one of his daughters, dies bedridden at 63.
September 9, 1113: Duke Åle of Oxford gets drunk and makes up some wild and ridiculous story about being involved in a plot orchestrated by King Brian and Queen Thorborg of Ireland to kill the baby King Magnus.
What, you’re going to listen to that raving boozehound? Come on! Would you believe him if he told you I was part manticore and had a holiday cottage on the moon? Let’s be real. By the way, remind me to never involve Duke Åle in anything important again. For reasons totally unrelated to this incident.
September 26, 1113: At 39, Máiread, the Warrior Maiden of Munster, gives birth to her only daughter, Gormlaith. Shortly after, King Brian finds that his young second wife is pregnant.
Yep, still got it.

January 1, 1114: On New Year’s Day, King Brian sends a strongly-worded letter to Duke Domnall of Leinster giving him one last chance to kneel before the armies of all Ireland are sent to make him. He still stubbornly refuses, and the banners of the Kingdom of Ireland are raised for the first time.
For the first time in this entire campaign, I see no need to go all in. Could I squash him under the weight of thousands? Sure. But there’s really no need to. I call the levies of the counties surrounding Leinster and come up with 816 men. Sure enough, Domnall is only able to muster about 400 rebels.
February 3, 1114: Duke Domnall is able to raise an additional 150 men, so King Brian sends word to the Duchy of Ulster. They are happy to provide another 400 to the royalists to tip the scales further.
February 23, 1114: The Battle of Dublin is the first and last meaningful battle of the Leinster Rebellion, a bloody rout that leaves only 258 of the original 550 men under Duke Domnall, with the royalists suffering minimal casualties.


Infant King of England put to death by Irish royal conspiracy

King Brian is a great and honorable leader who loves babies and puppies

5 April, 1114: The Leinster army regroups and sneaks past the advancing royalists to besiege Ath Cliath in Dublin. King Brian is confident that the defenders will hold, and orders his armies to storm Domnall’s fortress at Leighlin and take the rebel lord alive immediately.
May 17, 1114: King Brian’s first daughter by Thorborg is born. She is named Máiread, after the Warrior Maiden.
478 men are lost assaulting the heavy defenses at Leighlin, but the castle is taken and the remaining 800 royalists march north to deal with the besiegers at Dublin.
July 5, 1114: The remaining rebels are routed at the Battle of St. Brigit.
August 20, 1114: The infant King Magnus III is smothered by one of his maids, but she claims under duress (which is known to produce unreliable results) that she was put up to it by co-conspirators of the throne of Ireland before she is put to death.
She said what? Maids, am I right? Always making up preposterous tales. What can you do, huh? Hang on, now most of England actually believes I was involved? Because of a hammered buffoon and a peasant? Jeez, those guys are gullible. I should open up a bridge-selling business over there. No, this isn’t nervous babbling. Just trying to make small talk, get off my back, okay? Heh heh. Heh…
So, to change the subject completely, the King of England is now Grim I, one of Magnus’ cousins. His claim is weak enough that any trueborn sons of Thorborg would be able to contest his rule openly. It’s almost like I planned it that way.
I said ALMOST.

December 10, 1114: Ferns, the last rebel stronghold in Leinster, falls to the royalists.
December 27, 1114: Earl Domnall of Leinster surrenders. Donnchad of Ossory becomes Duke of Leinster, and all the lands of Ireland are finally unified under the 67-year-old King Brian.
And thus ends this epic tale of…
No, I’m just kidding. As monumental an achievement as this was, there’s still Emperor status up for grabs. Time to get my chancellor fabricating some claims on the Isle of Man.
January 15, 1115: King Brian elects to hold a Grand Tournament to celebrate the unification.
This will cost me a mountain of gold, give me back a mountain of prestige, and can only happen once during each monarch’s reign.

Affairs of a kingdom

March 16, 1115: King Brian’s Grand Tournament begins!
Over the course of the next two months, Sir Muiredach, son of the Earl of Desmond, will be maimed. Men over 50 end up taking the top three prizes, with the oldest, 59-year-old Earl Áed of Tyrconnel, being named Grand Champion. The young men of Ireland hang their heads in shame.
May 12, 1115: King Brian discovers that his granddaughter, Dubchoclaigh, seeks to kill his grandson and heir, Máel-Sechlainn. He tells her not to do that.
June 24, 1115: After King Brian passes the Medium Crown Authority law, Domnall of Leinster usurps his former title of Duke of Leinster and raises his banners in rebellion.
Man, I love it when that happens. Since the last war I fought against this guy was a conquest, I couldn’t strip him of his titles afterwards without pissing everyone off. Now he’s officially a traitor to the realm, and after I step on him, I can take his titles and put him in jail until he rots. Meanwhile, my new crown authority law will give me tighter controls over my loyal vassals at the price of a small reduction in public opinion.
January 21, 1117: Ireland has been re-unified after what can hardly be called a war, and Domnall of Leinster is imprisoned. Scotland has also been restored under the rule of King Duncan II, son of Malcolm the Cruel.

August 21, 1117: King Brian aids his aging brother-in-law (by his late first wife) King Erik of Denmark once again, against the Mazovians. It is the first time he has sailed to a foreign war as King of Ireland, and his 1000 men arrive just in time to rescue a faltering Danish battalion at the Battle of Lyek. They turn the tide decisively and go on the offensive.



October 2, 1117: Máiread the Warrior Maiden dies of depression at 43, likely due to the social restrictions preventing her from seeking glory in war. Her daughter, Gormlaith, becomes an orphan at four.







November 22, 1117: Just after King Brian’s 70th birthday, his last living son, Prince Énri, dies at age 35 fighting at Lyck. The King is left with only male grandsons to inherit his legacy. Énri is survived by a daughter, Caisséne, five, and two sons, two-year-old Flaithbertach and newborn Artgal.
January 8, 1118: Queen Thorborg is found to be pregnant, though the announcement is darkened by the widely spreading folklore that the children of Brian ua Brian are doomed to die young.
April 5, 1118: Lyck falls, and with it the hopes of the Mazovians. Denmark’s borders expand once again, and the Irishmen return home less 391 men and one prince.
August 9, 1118: King Brian’s first son by Thorborg is born, named Cennétig after the father of the first Duke Brian.

And he shall ever be remembered as…

June 1, 1120: King Brian becomes known as King Brian the Fat.
O-FRIGGEN-KAY. YEAH, LET’S NOT GIVE ME A NICKNAME BASED ON BEING A FAMOUS CRUSADER, OR WINNING DOZENS OF BATTLES, OR UNITING IRELAND, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. LET’S JUST FOCUS ON MY ONE NOTABLE VICE. THAT’S JUST GREAT. THANK YOU. GLAD TO HAVE ALL OF MY AMAZING ACCOMPLISHMENTS SUMMED UP AND REMEMBERED SO SUCCINCTLY AND ACCURATELY. HERE’S A PULITZER PRIZE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU SHOULD HANG IT ON YOUR [The rant goes on for another several pages.]
October 20, 1120: King Brian betroths his daughter Máiread to King Grim of England, two years her younger.
December 4, 1120: King Brian grows infirm at 72, unable to rise from bed on his own.
February 2, 1122: After over a year of infirmity, King Brian I ua Brian of Ireland dies in bed at 74. The lords of his realm gather together for the first time since the Grand Tournament to celebrate the accomplishments and mourn the passing of the High King. King Erik of Denmark is in attendance, as he was at the funeral of Brian’s father, Duke Murchad. Prince Sigurd of England and King Duncan II of Scotland also make appearances. Vigil fires burn late into the night, and when dawn rises, the second High King is crowned…
I am now King Máel-Sechlainn I of Ireland, grandson of the newly-departed King Brian. By the supposed curse that befell all of the king’s sons, the crown has skipped an entire generation and fallen to me. My father was Earl Énna of Connacht, notorious for reconciling with his father, the king, after a rebellion landed him in the dungeons. I had an older brother, Áed, who also fell prey to the ua Brian curse and died at 23. Needless to say, I was a dark horse successor.
At only 25, I am much younger than the two ua Brian patriarchs that preceded me. A misguided warrior with a slight lisp, I am charitable, content, diligent, and just… though sometimes taken to cruelty. My wife is Imag nic Tadg, granddaughter of Earl Muiredach of Desmond, whose subjugation began my house’s march to royalty. We have one daughter, eight-year-old Imag.
Imag is older than I, ugly and chaste. That’s not going to work. Clearly, this was a marriage made when no one had the faintest idea that I might one day be king. I request a divorce from the Pope, and he consents on the grounds of “consanguinity,” which I imagine is just a more official way of saying, “I was bros with your grandfather, so I kind of like you, and you’re both Irish and probably distantly related so I don’t think God will mind.”
Since one virtuous act deserves another, I remarry… my step-grandmother, Thorborg of England. To be fair, she’s much closer to my age than she was to that of the previous king. And I want to help my house’s chances of inheriting England. And… okay, I’m done trying to justify how this crap isn’t creepy as hell. Judge away, I’m going to bed with a hot Norwegian princess who had kids with my grandfather.

A tale of two kings

July 30, 1122: King Máel-Sechlainn’s confusingly-similarly-named cousin, Earl Máel-Sechnaill of Breifne, declares himself the true heir of King Brian, and raises his armies in rebellion. This is the beginning of an ongoing conflict between the Breifnean branch of House ua Brian, descended from King Brian’s son Fáelbe, and the original Munsterian branch, descended from King Brian’s son Énna.
Well, we’ve got a house divided and our own little War of the Roses-esque conflict here. Ironically enough, the sons of the once-rebel Énna are the defenders this time around.
September 1122: Earl Flaithbertach of Kildare, heir to King Brian’s son Énri, backs the Breifnean rebel branch. Lord Mayor Bran of Ormond, Countess Dubchoclaigh of Connacht, Earl Máel-Brigte of Desmond, and Duke Indrechtach of Ulster, the most powerful of Ireland’s lords, join with him. Now facing overwhelming odds, King Máel-Sechlainn becomes a coward.
October 12, 1122: Despite facing greater numbers, the Munsterians win the first major engagement of the war at the Battle of Kilkenny. They lose almost 500 men doing so. The King hires the 2200 mercenaries of the Breton Company to bolster his forces.
The rebels may have numbers, but I have money. I have to pay a large sum up-front and a monthly stipend to keep the mercs in my employ, but it’s the only way I can hold out against the vast armies of Ulster.
November 7, 1122: While the King’s last loyal vassal, the Duke of Leinster, holds the line valiantly against constant attack on Kilkenny, Máel-Sechlainn’s host captures Lord Mayor Bran of Ormond, one of the principle rebel leaders, on the battlefield.
December 1, 1122: The Munsterian stronghold of Dublin is captured by rebels. King Máel-Sechlainn hires a much larger company of Breton mercenaries.
I’m officially on track to empty my treasury to these sellswords who now make up a vast majority of my army, but with luck, I can end the war before I run out of gold to pay them.

February 19, 1123: The Munsterians capture Waterford, Ormond, and march to meet the main host of 3000 rebels.
March 22, 1123: Over 1500 rebels are slain at the Battle of Leighlin in a resounding Munsterian victory. Just over 300 king’s men are lost. The Breifneans disparage it as a “bought victory.”
April 25, 1123: 1000 more rebels fall at Gowran, to only 119 Munsterians.
August 1, 1123: The remainder of the rebel host is crushed outside Dublin, over 1000 slain to only 60 king’s men.
August 18, 1123: As the siege to retake Dublin begins, the king dismisses over 2000 mercenaries he can no longer pay for.

The turning of the tide

November 30, 1123: Pope Boniface the Crusader dies at 62, succeeded by Pope Leo X.
December 13, 1123: Dublin is brought back into Munsterian hands, but the realm is entirely bereft of coin to pay the mercenaries. The king sends his entire host to Thomond quickly, hoping to delay their wages long enough to win the war.
January 1124: Dublin falls to Breifnean reinforcements from Ulster. The House of Munster is beggared, and the Breton mercenaries depart in disgust. King Máel-Sechlainn discovers that his own sister is plotting to kill him…
Well, that was a disastrous, two year reign. So, here’s what I’m going to do. Everyone else has backed House ua Brian of Breifne so…
So will I. With a quick save, quit, and reload, Crusader Kings lets me jump into the exact moment I left off as any noble on the map. I choose the pretender, and voila!
I am now Duke Máel-Sechnaill ua Brian of Breifne, seeking to depose my cousin, Máel-Sechlainn, and claim my rightful place as King of Ireland. All but the Duke of Leinster have backed my claim. I can hear you all calling shenanigans. Is this the “standard” or “default” way to play the game? No. But I rule fair play, as I’m still playing an ua Brian and a direct descendant with just as much connection to my original character as the one I left behind. I’m giving up all of the prestige score I accumulated as House ua Brian of Munster, but I’m not playing to win here. I’m playing to tell interesting stories. And as of now, this is where the more interesting story lies.
I am an underhanded rogue of 24, honest, kind, just, gregarious, and brave. It’s easy to see why I am more liked than my cousin, though I have been criticized for my short temper and slothfulness. I have already been maimed in battle, losing several fingers to one of the Breton mercenaries the supposed king called in to cut down his good, Irish countrymen when they dared disagree with him. Nonetheless, he has been left with no recourse in this war. Over 500 of my loyal men from Ulster have been raised to replace the slain, and they now besiege the ancestral seat of our house in Thomond.
My wife is Duchess Der-Lugdach, named for the infamous Breifnean rebel. She is amazing with numbers, ambitious, gregarious, and honest, if a bit of a coward.
September 26, 1124: Thomond falls, for the first time in the history of House ua Brian, to Máel-Sechnaill’s own host. The tide of the war has turned.
October 31, 1124: The last of the king’s forces are crushed at the Battle of Clonmacnoise.
1125: Ossory falls in one of the bloodiest stalemates of the war.
May 12, 1126: The Breifneans storm the walls at Leighlin, Leinster, the last standing fortress of the Munsterians.

An abbreviated reign

July 10, 1126: King Máel-Sechlainn is assassinated by his sister, Dubchoclaigh macÉnna. His newborn son, Murchad I, is briefly declared King of Ireland under Regent Lord Donnchad of Ossory. Donnchad refuses to surrender, even though his king is dead and his lands are occupied.
The commander of Máel-Sechlainn’s forces, the Duke of Leinster, is slain in battle later that month. His title is inherited by Duchess Alis of Connacht, already embroiled in the war on the Breifnean side. Surrounded with no hope of aid from any direction, the Lord Regent finally surrenders.
Ireland is united once more, and Máel-Sechnaill ua Brian of Breifne is crowned king.
October 23, 1126: King Máel-Sechnaill I elects to hold a Grand Tournament, the first since the reign of Brian I, to celebrate the rightful ascendance of House ua Brian of Breifne to the throne. Donal ua Brian, a distant relation of Conchobar macDonnchad’s line, is declared the grand champion.
June 15, 1127: Duke Estmond of Lancaster, de facto “king” of most of England (though the title is still held by Norwegians in the south) and still kicking at 77, conquers the south of Wales. Countess Ælfelda of Northumberland, resentful of aggression against the Welsh, secedes Northumberland from the Lancastrian realm.
February 19, 1128: After an even shorter reign than his deposed cousin, King Máel-Sechnaill I is killed by bandits when his carriage is ambushed in the woods, at the age of 29. He is succeeded by his sister, who innocently denies any knowledge of how one might hire bandits to ambush one’s brother in the woods and stab him in the back of the neck so he would die quickly and painlessly, placing his sister on the throne.

Nope, I certainly don’t know anything about that. I am now Queen Áine I of Ireland, 26, daughter of Fáelbe ua Brian and granddaughter of King Brian I. I am an elusive shadow, and a homosexual (though I dare not admit it as a medieval Catholic.) I am also an ambitious and gregarious scholar, short-tempered, greedy, and often arbitrary.
My husband, who I clearly only put up with for the sake of public scrutiny, is Gilla-Brígte, 27, a cynical, deceitful, intricate webweaver. He was blessed with patience, but not enough to keep him from being maimed in my brother’s grand tournament. I have one son with my late first husband (and half-cousin), Brian macÉnna. His name is Gilla-Íosa, age four.
And I definitely had nothing to do with my dear brother’s death. The initials on that knife must have stood for… Áilee ua Bannon. That’s a person I totally didn’t make up.
It has been a turbulent several years since my legendary grandfather died. The last two kings have done more harm than good for Ireland. It is time to show my people what a queen can do. And you as well. Come back next week, and stand witness.